Kids Say the Darndest Things

Art Linkletter is known for his hit TV show in the 50's and 60's, "Kids Say the Darndest Things".  I remember watching the show as a kid.  Now I'm a grandma of (soon to be) seven, and I never run short of amusement at what comes out of those kids' mouths.

For instance,  . . last night the three youngest (Natalie - 6, Kaylee - 4 1/2, Max - 2) spent the evening with Grandpa (affectionately known as Crappaw) and me.  The routine is the same before we watch a movie together - the children find the box of pre-packaged popcorn, pull a chair over to the counter, fight over who pops theirs first, someone finally pushes the popcorn picture on the microwave, then we all wait with great anticipation as the first pops are heard, the bag expands, and we can count down the ticking clock . . . 10 . . 9 . . 8. . 7. . 6 . . 5 . .4 . .3. . 2 . . 1 . . BLAST OFF!!!!!  Even little Max got into the routine last night as he pulled out a 3rd bag, pushed another chair across the kitchen floor, and prematurely started his count, "eh, ooh, oh, . . " (sounds a whole lot like when he recites the alphabet). 

Me:  "Max, we're not going to pop three bags.  That's too much.  You would each have to eat a whole bag!"
Natalie:  "But Grandma, if you and Crappaw eat some, it won't be too much."
Me:  "No, Crappaw can't eat popcorn.  It hurts his teeth."  (my quick explanation of something far more complicated).

Natalie:  (looking sad)  . . . "He's got a really hard life." 

Me:  "Yes, he does, Nattie.  Yes, he does."

Crappaw teaching Natalie to play checkers

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This collection of "Kids Say The Darndest Things Quotes" shows how children think about serious matters, such as heaven and hell, God, religion, church, and so on.

Please, do not get offended, but enjoy these innocent thoughts, for kids are kids, and they can say the funniest things.


On Heaven and Hell

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.




How to get in heaven

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'

The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!

~~~~~

The Commandments

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

~~~~~

A Sunday school class studying the Ten Commandments were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. A little girl raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

~~~~~

Kids Say the Darndest Things Quotes: thoughts about God

Have you seen God?

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

Kids Praying

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter the Lord's Prayer at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully pronounced each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some e-mail."

~~~~~

Three year old boy: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

~~~~~

One four-year old prayed: "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."


~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright fellow replied, "Because people are sleeping."

~~~~~

Six-year-old sister Angie, and four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sand, and talked out loud. Finally his big sister had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."


~~~~~ 

Moral Lessons


A Mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5-year-old, and Ryan 3-year-old. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson.

She said, "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

~~~~~

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"